One Liners

Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'



I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.



Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.



I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.



The road to success is always under construction.



I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!



Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.



Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time.



When every thing's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.



Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film.



Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.



Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.



I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.